Marisa Rules

Previous Rules of the Day

Avoid direct break ups. Instead crash their car and bitch them out. It's less hurtful if they think the breakup was their idea.

Follow the rules of ying and yang. If you're normal, date someone unique. If you're dirty, date someone clean. If you're on the Dean's List, date someone who doesn't suck.

Surround yourself with negative people. They will make you look more positive.

Stay positive. That F in 'Run, Walk, Jog' means nothing. You can learn how to run, walk or job another semester.

Always look your best. If you look best in pajamas, then wear pajamas. But remember, nobody looks their best in parachute pants.

Never quit fighting for what you want, unless what you want is a bathtub full of diamonds, world peace, or a response from the IT department. Those are losing battles and we all know it.

Don't call, text message, or email your professor more than once a day. Desperation and instability are major turnoffs. 

Don't give in to peer pressure. Your roommate is wrong. You can eat burritos without Gas-ex.

Never admit to cheating. You could've written that essay that everyone else is buying online.

Don't streak through the science lab. Chemicals can burn!

Use BBQ tongs to retrieve cell phones and other necessary items from the toilet.

Wash your hands before you eat, unless you're eating dirt or cafeteria food.

Arrive to class on time and by on time, I mean within that 30 minute grace period at the beginning of class.

Put things back where you find them, unless you want to mess with your roommate. Her pillow can easily be hidden under the sink, her shoes in her purse, and her chem book behind the minifridge. 

Look both ways, unless you're at the end of a cul-da-sac.

Throw a bi-monthly Christmas party

Share everything, except underwear, mouthwash, boyfriends, and your Lost DVD collection (of any other movie you might want to watch again.